Thank you for stealing my favorite and only bag that used to be my moms. Thank you for stealing the only key to my scooter that I can no longer drive. Thank you for stealing my bus pass, my ID and the new phone I had finally treated myself to the day before. Thank you for maxing out the only credit card I had completely paid off, and to AMEX: thank you for not canceling my card when I called in and reported it stolen. Thank you for allowing the low life to spend $500 on specialty chocolates and smoothies at Pacific Place along with other extravagant purchases for over 3 weeks. Thank you for having “nothing recorded” that I had called in to cancel my card, and double thank you for hanging up on me after being on hold for 30 minutes. This has all been one great and hilarious joke.

Tonight, I was looking for the new fucking life website, a wrong adress brought me to an explicit website and my mum was behind me. F.L.

U read the title…… Well i just got a speeding ticket yay IN A SCHOOL ZONE then i have to pull over in the school student parking lot and thats always a blast especially when everyone knows who you and what kind of car you drive. What an ass Cops have been being gay as shit lately i was going 31 in 20 but it was only to pass a car when i was shot with the lazer but i slowed down right away. FUcking cops need to be worried about PUNK as people and not little shit like yesterday a cop put his car in reverse just to tell me to turn down my radio when i have a stock toyota radio with pioneer tweeters. They have just been around lol i should have predicted this one well i fuckin left school cuz id deffinitly got in more trouble if i would have stayed pissed off.

A few years ago, my husband and I were out in Old Montreal with some American customers. They were driving a Jaguar and had parked it behind a building where you had to park a little on a slant. So when we escorted them back to their car at the end of the evening, we found a long rivulet of liquid coming from underneath the car. My husband was very concerned for his customer. He did not want to see him get taken advantage of – you know;
Jaguar + American plates + desperation = $$$$$$

So he bent down to dip his fingers in the liquid to see if it felt like oil, then he put it to his nose to see if it smelled like antifreeze. He was puzzled…

Then I went on the other side of the car and found that someone had taken a pee right next to the car!! It really did look like it came from the car!!

Boy, did I laugh!!! Needless to say, Ben started to look for a bathroom so he could wash his hands.
Bwahhhahahahaha!

My brother got an erection over me…

No, I’m not trolling, I’m being completely serious. My brother is 29, I’m 16. He’s my half brother; we share the same Dad only. I went over to his house for a little while with my other sister and we played with our niece and talked to his girlfriend and made conversation with him. When I was leaving, I hugged him good-bye. He was wearing nothing but boxers and a shirt, and I know I felt the erection because it was right against me and I could see it right after I hugged him.

Our high-school principal has each teacher report class attendance over the intercom. The instructor must state the number of students present by gender.
For example, “I have fifteen boys and twelve girls in attendance.” One day our principal was more than a little miffed at having to remind several teachers of the correct procedure.
He was apparently somewhat forgetful too, when he checked on the girls’ physical education instructor.
“I have twenty-seven pupils present, sir,” she announced.
“Lady,” he shouted through the intercom, “I need sex!”
Please Note Principal Meant “Sex” As In Gender. ! ! !
Fuckink Life for him but big fun for us!

That is so funny. My sister-in-law and I went to an adult bookstore a few months ago because I wanted to get some tattoo magazines. Well, I get the magazines and, of course, they put them in a brown paper bag with no writing. When we walked out of the store, I bumped into my parent’s pastor, who was walking down the sidewalk outside the store to a neighboring store. It seems like everytime I go down there, there are people I know around there. There’s no telling what they think I’m buying.

Don’t tell anybody, but sometimes it’s more than tattoo magazines.

we use to talk all the time…
but here recently when i told him i had sex over the weekend…he wont hardly talk to me anymore…
I didn’t know that he had a crunch on me, i miss him terribly…its just not the same…