my girl friend found i was cheating and in the middle of the night put a string of barbed wire in a straw and put it in my dick hole then slipped the straw out and i awoke in tru agany spent a week in hospital but still worth it, that chick i banged was hot and she gave me a blumkin

so fucking shit! i went out with this african guy whom my friend introduced, so we went to this motel, he told me that he wanted some privacy time for us. so we went into the room, he ripped of my clothes and shoved his dick in my vagina. he than inserted this huge thing that made my vagina bleed. he left me there after he cummed. i had to call my sister for help, i got 4 stitches and im now 8 months pregnant with his child. wtf? i just got sewed !

I just found out today that I am androgynous and although I am proud of that, I now understand that this is the reason why I’ve never had a girlfriend, because even though I like both sexes, I shudder at the thought of homosexual activity, and I have only been truly attracted to lesbian women. Fuck my life man, I don’t feel as if I’d ever be able to die without my virginity. Fuck my life…

just took an hour candle lit bubble bath by my self waiting on my wife to get off the computer. FML

I can’t stop masturbating.

Okay so I was playing a prank with my friend.
So i exchanged the signs outside the washrooms in the hotel we were living. So mens became womens and women became men.
after exchanging i went to take a leak in the mens room, forgetting that i had exhanged the sign outside this washroom to “women”.
and unfortunately while i was taking a leak, a bunch of girls walked in thinking it to be women washroom. I saw them in the mirror and turned without realising that my zip was open and , i went into like a shock and turned and they saw my thing. one or two girls ridiculed and pointed out to my thing. MFL

I looked at my husbands blackberry and he was sending dick pics and shit to so chick he plays video games with…should I leave his ass?

One night I was so drunk, that I ran over to a statue and gave it a blowjob. I broke my tooth… FML!!!