i hate living just because of my inability to cope with it. i know everything is pointless and that frees up much space because i couldn’t care less. so why do i feel like drowning? why do i have to set things up just to exclaim my opinions? why do i care what others think? why do i care what i think? why is it so hard to live in a society? i even want to lose my ability to desire mating. i want my body not to want it. i just want to be free, but i’m not even able to describe freedom. i want to feel things. is it time to go?
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Dreary / Deserved ? |
I know things are hard. At times everyone feels this way. Last year my father was feeling really depressed and attempted suicide (and failed). At the time I think he really thought that no one would care. I can tell you from experience that it has affected me tremendously, and that I think he was surprised to see those that he affected. At times since then, the thought has crossed my mind to attempt, but I can always think of someone (no matter how angry I am at the time) who would be deeply affected forever if I took my life. I think of the incredible hurt that his failed attempt has caused me and it really puts things into perspective. I know sometimes it’s easy to think that no one will care, but I guarantee that if you think hard enough, there is *someone* who would be affected. I recommend that when you think of that person, you contact them to hang out. Talking to a close friend/family member/counsellor can only improve the situation.