Fuck my life. My real friends live in another country and I rarely see them. My mother doesnt really love me (she´s an alcoholic who hit me as a kid and has always told me that there is not such a thing as inconditional love for a monster like me). That has kind of left me without any felling of self worth. I am 20 years old and still a virgin coz I fear to be hurt by anyone and have locked myself into my “mental shell”. It´s killing me. I wake up multiple times a night because I have nightmares. No matter what I do, it won´t get better. I have been a nice person to everyone, have worked on my looks until most girls have started sayin I look really hot and everything… And my life still sucks. I am suffocating inside my shell. Some years ago, I used to have such things as illusions and a plan for my life. I have lost those things tho. I don´t know where I am going, and what I am supposed to do with my life. I am standing in front of a load of broken glasses, and I only know that I just can´t work for my whole life like an ant and only get shit back. I have thought about suicide, but I won´t surrender to that fucked up world like that. As time passes, I am questioning social conventions such as laws and socially acceptable behaviour more and more. Life´s just a bitch who backstabs me every time I trust her and turn around, so I don´t see why I should be nice to her. I am becoming more and more criminal as time goes on. If things dont change, I see myself dealing a ton of cocaine or in jail in a couple of years. I am not a bad person tho. I am, and always will be, that boy who only got hit and never got a chance to make anything out of his life.
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Dreary / Deserved ? |
you need shit tons of therapy or just shoot yourself in the head with a shotgun becuase all the bitching in the world aint going to change the past PUSSY
Don’t listen to comment #1 because he, clearly, has nothing of substance to say. He only says what he says because he is in need of help. Heck! Aren’t we all??!!?
Regardless, I will absolutely pray for you.
Stay strong and God Bless.
“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”-Philippians 4:13
P.S. if there weren’t such a thing as unconditional love, our hearts would then be satisfied with the pleasures of this world. There is a constant longing, a restlessness until we put our trust in the God who is ALL LOVE.
U should onsider a counselor. They will really help you get out of the mental hole you have dug. Trust me, I have been there, but the world really isn’t as bad as you feel it is. All you need is some motivation and a little direction.
Dude, you NEED theropy. These are issues that you don’t need do have, that you can do something about, find a good theropist, and live your life friend.
Listen relax a bit and take a deep breath. I have a story just like yours only after my mom abused me for 7 years she sold me to my cousin, I went down the drugs and jail path. I eventually got my shit together and realized that I am worth more than that. Don’t listen to some of these fu**ing losers who probably never dealt with adversity. I have made something of my trust will always be an issue but giving up is not a solution.