So, I’m sixteen. Female. Black. Slutty.

I had brought my (white) boyfirend home knowing that my dad was at work till six thirty. We were fucking around as usual, found my dad’s oxycontin that was prescribed to him for his back and soon we were high off our asses and decided to have sex. We lost track of time and my dad walked in on us in my bedroom and beat my boyfriend’s ass and told me to pack my shit. Now, I’m moving in with my mom who lives 3,000 miles away from my love. He says he’ll wait for me, but I doubt it. Fuck my life.

I’m black and my boyfriend is white. I’m sixteen and he’s nineteen, we’ve been together for two years. Our relationship is strong but surrounded by drugs and alcohol. We’re both into pills. (Oxy, Xan, Percocet) And we’re always high, and having sex while we’re high. It’s just what we do. Anyway, it was like a week ago I blew a hundred dollars of my paycheck to buy a few low doses of oxy. (I can’t take more than 10 mg’s of oxy or I’ll overdose.) Anyway, he comes over and we do them. The next morning, I wake up, and he’s gone and my pills are gone. So, now I’m pissed an I find a letter that says he only wanted me for my money (My dad is rich, an I work as a maid for 16 dollars an hour.) And sex. Fuck him, and fuck life.

I’m 24 yrs old and my father was diagnosed with cancer today. I do not know how to respond. I am devastated that I will soon loose the only real father figure I have ever had, however, he was barley ever even a real father to begin with. He and my mother were divorced when I was only four and he ignored my existence for the next 16 years. Only in the last few years has he come back into the picture and wanted to act as though he was a father. He has become important to me but should I be as destroyed as I was when I found out he will die in the next few months? or am I a crying bitch? my money is on bitch.

i hate living just because of my inability to cope with it. i know everything is pointless and that frees up much space because i couldn’t care less. so why do i feel like drowning? why do i have to set things up just to exclaim my opinions? why do i care what others think? why do i care what i think? why is it so hard to live in a society? i even want to lose my ability to desire mating. i want my body not to want it. i just want to be free, but i’m not even able to describe freedom. i want to feel things. is it time to go?

I fell in love with this guy when I was 16. That was 24 years ago, he got married to someone else. Over the years I heard from mutral friends that I was all he talked about. Texted me a couple of months ago, and told me that he was going through a divorce and that he wanted to see me. We started spending as much time together that we could. Last Monday I was at his house, the ex showed up with one of the daughters. I went to the bedroom while she was there, I did not want to be in the middle. Her and I shared words when we where younger and I did not need to share words with kids in the picture. She left came back with his other daughter who, walked in the house. We where in the bedroom talking and she just walked in. I will never forget that face, she looked very upset like she was going to cry. He walked out of the room and went and spoke to her. When he came back in he said that she said she always thought that they would get back together. I felt like a home wrecker. Now, he has not spoken to me since then. Why was I so stupid to let him in my heart again. I told him not to hurt me and he said I was being insecure. That’s just fucked up!

My roommate lives MFL and thinks he has to read me all the interesting ( not interesting ) items. MFL

Ok this is dumb to complain about but it just pissed me off. Ok so yesterday I asked my mom if we had any fruit so I could make a smoothie and she said just blackberries in the freezer in the kitchen, I didn’t like blackberries but I still made a smoothie because I wanted one. So just a minute ago she wanted some more ice-cream she said there might be some downstairs in the freezer, so I checked in there wasn’t but in the friken process of looking for her fucking ice cream I saw like strawberries in peaches in blueberries, so I came in I was like there isn’t anymore of your ice-cream downstairs , in I was like but there was some fruit downstairs , and joking around and she even knew I was I was like um I was looking for some yesterday in you said we didn’t have any and she said I didn’t know it was any of your business. I didn’t say anything, fucking really.

I’m in love with this girl. I love her down to my soul, and would do anything for her. But
she continues to shun me, and choose these men who only want her for their own pleasure..they use her, and every time and time again, her heart is broken by these inglorious bastards..every time i see her cry, i cry as well..and she claims that there is no one that loves her. yet there i stand silently..ready to take all the pain…ready to love her PAST her pain. but still she persist. The love i have for her is tearing me apart..yet i can’t seem to let her go Why? why do we always choose what is poison to us? why don’t we look past what is seemingly perfect and chose what we really need? my God..if she would just give me a chance i’d show her a love she’d never felt before. She’d never have to feel pain again..but she continues to punish herself. i only wish i could make her see..that she’d find a purer, truer love, in me.